I called Santa to see what he’s got me. He said ‘What do you get the penguin who has everything?!’ Cheeky red-faced oaf, I thought!Anyway, he wouldn’t tell me what it was - he just said it wouldn’t fit down the chimney. How exciting!
Last night, the Prime Minister, Sir Noddy Holder-Penguin, switched on the Christmas illuminations in the town square. But somebody had rigged up a load of dynamite to the switch! Hundreds of years of history and culture - phwhoof! I must get the insurance claim sent off after this.
Anyway, it’s nearly time for Christmas Pro-Celebrity Wrestling. And don’t forget, it’s illegal to switch off when my Christmas Day speech is on (IBC 1 and every channel, 3:00 pm - 12 midnight). And don’t listen to those fools who say the TV Detector Van/Tanks are fake, coz I went for a ride in one last week. I thought the van/tank commander was joking when he said ‘Don’t, whatever you do, pull the trigger.’ ….. If that was your hotel I destroyed, well, I must say it looked like it needed a good refurbishing. Anyway, it’s up to you, but the TV Detector…Oh, wait… yes, of course, I bet that’s it! My present! A massive new 500-inch telly?! I can’t wait till Christmas Eve - I’ll call Santa and tell him to bring it tonight!
© David Severn