The actor’s art?! Ha-ha! (Tusks)
Shutup, Tusks, you big balloon! (That’s Tusks. He is in charge of the Botanical Garden at the Kola Nut Hotel. He’s always criticising my acting. Just ignore him - he’s jealous!)
Step One: becoming a great actor like me starts with one step
My first role: it was really hard! Yes, I didn’t have any lines, but keeping still with my mouth open like that took all my dramatic energy and intensity. And the other actors kept walking on me - one of them in stiletto heels - ouch! I didn’t flinch though and it was a challenge, but gradually I came to hate the director and the stupid actors... only joking! I loved them! Because they’re great professionals and have won Oscars, maybe.
I haven’t won an oscar yet if you were wondering, but I have a replica statuette on my mantelpiece in my suite at the Kola Nut Hotel. Chocolate with gold foil wrapping, if you were wondering. I’ll never eat it (unless there is a serious choc shortage). It’s almost as good as the real thing - I don’t know what the real ones are made of though - maybe wood. Or a durable plastic perhaps. I’ll get one, one day. It’s only a matter of time.
Ten billion years! (Tusks).
Oi! Watch it leather chops!
You watch it, carpet face! (Tusks).
Ooh, that really hurts.
To be an actor, you have to be tough!
Tough?! Ha-ha! You faint if you see a spider! (Tusks)
© David Severn